Brooklyn’s Finest – 4 out of 10


Well.. I saw it yesterday afternoon. It was a boring Sunday and I had nothing to do – so I finally watched this movie that my wife rented a few weeks ago. I didn’t WANT to watch it because I had a feeling it would suck – but it was the only non-chick flick we had. It has three or four (I forget) washed-up actors – I know two of their names: Wesley Snipes and Richard Gere. The other two (yeah, there were definitely two) never became famous enough for most of us to remember (though they’re not bad actors).

Anyway.. It wasn’t a BAD movie.. Out of ten, I give it a four. Not terrible but not good either. I could have sat in front of my desk and worked and felt more fulfilled afterwards. Like every movie (and being that I’m a super dick), I have to pick apart at least one scene. Last time it was the (in my best girlie voice) “Oh, it’s the two thousands! Can’t you hyphenate my last name like ALL human women do in the two thousandses? Blibbidy blobbidy blue!” bullshit nonsense scene that they stuck into the latest tardo vampire love story as a woman’s lib afterthought.

This time, it’s the “we frown at the thought of racism and we must make it a point that everyone knows this” scene when four guys were playing cards in some loser’s basement. Out of nowhere, one guy supposably makes some racist comment (I couldn’t even hear what he said) and one white guy says something like, “Hey, you know my wife is black” and then he says something else (and I couldn’t hear this either) and then the loser who owned the house jumped up and punched him in the face and screamed and ranted something about racism.

The scene was such an afterthought because it really didn’t fit – but it appeared they put a lot of time into it to get it just right. Like after the movie was completed somebody said, “Ya know? We need something in there to establish the fact that we don’t condone racism and that it’s a very bad thing.”. We KNOW this already you fuckin’ geniuses! We KNOW that racism is bad. We don’t like it. We hate it. We’re prejudiced against racism! Or whatever.

Next, we’re going to see a new Star Wars, Jaws or Rocky 11 – or fuck it, Friday the 13th part 19 beta 1. All the sudden Jason Voorhees is going to stop eating somebody’s intestines and slip out of character, take off his mask, look at the screen and say something like, “Ya know? Racism affects us all…”.

Can we PLEASE stop making movies to send messages? We KNOW men suck, we KNOW gays are great and we KNOW that racism is bad. Please. Let me just get the fuck back to watching my stupid movies again…

Thank you…

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